What a Wonderful World

I see trees of green,

red roses too,

I see them bloom,

for me and you,

and I think to myself . . .

what a wonderful world.

  Baby Smith . . .

blooming November 2013

Signs of Bloom

Immediately after the IVF transfer takes place there is a period of strict, mandatory, 48-hour bed rest that kicks off an eleven . . . day . . . wait. The number of tricks your mind can play on you during that agonizing period is absurd. Several nights in a row, I awoke to intense abdominal cramping which instinctively forced me into a strange limbo of hopeless hoping. In my increasingly apprehensive state, I began looking for positive symbols to keep my hope alive. I noticed friendly angels directed to my aid to buoy me up and make my heart smile with what I wanted desperately to perceive as signs of bloom.

A Sign

My friend Lela tagged me in the following Instagram post:

“Just died walking around my yard. Bloom is in full effect. It’s a sign!!!”
#thebloomdiary #lovely

A Child’s Intuition

While Skyping with my one-and-a-half-year-old niece, she randomly pointed at me in the computer screen and said “Mama . . . mama . . . mama . . .” over and over and over again.

Upset Stomach Relief

I attended a Favorite Things girls’ night where my friend, Krista, brought ginger herbal tea as one of her favorite things. Just as I thought to myself how fitting it would be for me to receive the tea, if I were in fact pregnant (since ginger can be used to cure upset stomachs), my name was plucked from the basket.

Mother’s Day

My dear, Egyptian friend, Dina, sent me this thoughtful text message on my anniversary: “On this special day it’s the Egyptian Mother’s day. I wish that next year you’ll be hugging a cute, kind-hearted baby just like its mom and dad. Love you!”

New Bloom

Out of nowhere, an unassuming co-worker walked over to my desk and handed me this starter plant. Pointing to the smallest leaf, he said, “This is a new bloom. Take care of it and it will grow and grow and grow.”

My face lit up, my heart raced, and I hoped, with all that I am, that this was a telltale sign. 

On Compassion

 

Compassion is a “sympathetic consciousness of others’ distress together with a desire to alleviate it.” I am convinced that compassion is something that cannot be taught; rather, compassion is something that blooms from within the soul. It is borne out of love and is demonstrated by listening, then acting.

My journey with infertility has opened my eyes to what it means to embody compassion, as it has been extended to Parker and me on so many occasions. While I am still striving to personify this characteristic, I have come to understand that the first step in doing so is to be a friend—to genuinely care about the wellbeing of another and to express it.

Time and again, the compassion of others has brought bloom to our lives by way of a listening ear, an unexpected phone call, a prayer, an invitation to be included, a word of encouragement, a basket of goodies, a compliment, a donation of infertility medication, a thoughtful text message, a kind word, a hug, a homemade meal, an unexpected visit, a smile, a shoulder to lean on, an email, a thank you, a blessing, an act of kindness, picking up the slack when we felt too weak, and even in a log of goat cheese (story to come). 

If you are anything like me, accepting acts of compassion can sometimes be difficult; however, compassion accepted can be the best medicine to sooth a troubled heart.

So, as Mother Teresa said, always remember to  . . .

You never know whose smile you might brighten.

The Best is Yet To Come

To my beloved Parker:

The years with you have been the best of my life. Happy anniversary, my love. I look forward to what tomorrow brings, with you by my side.

Out of the tree of life, I just picked me a plum
You came along and everything started to hum
Still it's a real good bet, the best is yet to come . . .

The Transfer

There was a uniquely sacred aura in the gentle stillness of the transfer room as the embryo incubator was wheeled in. I felt it. Parker felt it. From that moment on the dimly lit room stood practically silent, dictated by the sensitivity of the tiny embryo. Hand motions filled the absence of words spoken. The nurse beckoned Parker toward the incubator to view the embryo through the microscope. Parker later relayed his sentiments of the experience since I was unable to view it myself, having already been prepped for the procedure.

"The nurses wheeled in an incubator which housed the microscopic embryo. As I looked through the lens of the microscope and saw the tiny little embryo labeled “Smith” my heart stirred. The embryo itself didn't look like much more than a complex cell; but what an awe-inspiring feeling it was to consider that this cell had the potential to become our baby. All I could do was pray and hope that this would be the miracle we had longed for. The whole experience was a blessed and miraculous one that I will never forget."

Then, with our hands clasped tightly in devotion and our hearts knit deeply in love, the transfer began. The doctor and the nurses worked with meticulous care and in extraordinary, silent syncopation. Aided by the use of an embryo catheter, the doctor started with a standard mock transfer as a guide. Then, in a hushed voice he whispered, “I will now transfer the embryo. As you will see on the ultrasound monitor, it will be placed next to the dot made during the mock transfer.”

With my eyes fixated on the ultrasound monitor, I watched in amazement as light entered my body.

Soon the transfer was complete, and the doctor and nurses exited the room leaving just Parker and me behind, hand-in-hand. I laid there in stillness, my heart overflowing with gratitude, while somewhere, nestled deep within my belly, was our little embryo fighting to be. 

Sky Light

In delightful anticipation of our embryo transfer, Parker and I hosted a ‘Sky Light’ celebration atop Mount Soledad at sunset. The afternoon air was clear and crisp—lending to magnificent, far-reaching views of La Jolla Shores, Mission Bay, and Downtown San Diego.

We were joined by some of our closest, San Diego friends who have been there to love us, support us, and cheer us on throughout our journey. We enjoyed flavorful mocktails and tasty appetizers (recipes here) over friendly conversation. 

Just after sunset our friends circled around us as we released a wish of good fortune into the night sky. In one word, the experience was . . . magical.

The Retrieval

Parker and I arrived at the surgery center at 9:00 a.m. sharp, on the morning of the retrieval. As pumped as I was going in, I was equally a ball of nerves. Parker shared my sentiments. However, my nerves quickly escaped me once I found out my nurse had the exact same birthday as me (day, month, and year) and quickly transitioned into happy, chit-chat mode before changing into my flattering surgery attire. Sometimes a little distraction is the perfect cure.

Before we knew it, it was go time. Parker and I parted ways with a kiss as they ushered me off to the surgery room. The anesthesiologist inserted my IV then promptly asked me how I felt. “The room is spinning. Oh, and my throat feels . . . cold.” I replied, as I drifted into a deep, unconscious slumber.

At 10:00 a.m. on the dot, exactly 36 hours after the trigger shot was administered, my eggs were retrieved, and the next thing I knew I was waking up in a recovery room with Parker by my side. To our pleasant surprise, there were 14 eggs retrieved: 6 mature, 7 intermediate (with the potential to mature), and 1 immature. (The post-anesthesia video below still cracks me up. I think I just wanted to go back to sleep.)

When all was said and done, Parker took me home and waited on me hand-and-foot as I drifted in and out of sleep for the remainder of the day. I am a really lucky girl to have that boy by my side.
_______________________________

The fascinating process, from retrieval to transfer, is typically 3 to 5 days. During that period the embryologist gave us the following updates:

Day 1: The 7 intermediate eggs matured (6 healthy and 1 discarded), for a total of 13 mature eggs. All 13 eggs were fertilized. The embryos will continue to mature until Day 5, at which time half of the 13 embryos are expected to reach blastocyst, with 1 being transferred and the remaining being frozen.

Day 2: All 13 embryos are progressing beautifully. Transfer scheduled for Day 5 unless notified otherwise by Day 3.

Day 3: 11 of the 12 embryos are progressing wonderfully and rated as good on a scale of good, fair, and poor. The 12th embryo, which had ceased progressing, was discarded. Transfer scheduled for Monday, March 11th at 1:00 p.m.

Day 4: All 11 embryos continuing to progress beautifully.